Impact factor

Genome Biology 2008, 9:107

The time: Some time in the not-too-distant future.
The place: The entrance to The Pearly Gates. There are
fluffy clouds everywhere. In the center is a podium with an
enormous open book. A tall figure in white robes with white
hair and beard stands at the podium. Approaching is a thin,
middle-aged man with glasses and a bewildered expression.
He is the soul of a recently deceased genome biologist.

GB: My gosh is this…? Are you…? Am I really…?
St Peter: Yes, I’m St Peter. And yes, this is where souls such
as yours enter heaven.
GB: Wow. I mean, I didn’t expect to live forever, but still,
this is something of a shock. (Pauses.) OK, I guess I can live
with it. Uh, I mean …
St Peter: I know.
GB: Well, at least I’m here. I’m not thrilled to be dead, but
it’s a relief to know I’m going to heaven.
St Peter: I’m afraid it’s not that simple. We have to check.
GB: Check what?
St Peter: Your life history. (He leafs through the enormous
book.) It’s all here, you know.
GB: I’m sure it is. I can imagine you guys keep records that
make PubMed seem like a stack of index cards. I’m a little
surprised you don’t use something more up-to-date, though.
St Peter: If you mean a personal computer, no - we don’t.
After all, they were invented elsewhere.
GB: You mean on earth?
St Peter: No, somewhere a lot warmer. (He stops at a
page.) Here you are.
GB: Hey, I’m not worried. I was a good scientist, a good
citizen, a good family man, I think, too. I never…
St Peter: Yes, yes, I’m sure, but you see, none of that
matters. The only thing that matters is your IF.
GB: IF?
St Peter: Your impact factor. That’s all we use now. If your
IF is above 10, then you enter here. If it’s lower, well…

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